Author: writersamr (Page 23 of 45)

We’re Making The Right Choices

February 3, 2017 / writersamr / 0 Comments

Whenever someone says they don’t have a choice about something, I always think, well there’s always a choice – no matter what the subject matter is. You can just do nothing. You can sit still, hole up, you can struggle or not struggle, whatever situation you are in. You can keep hoping or lose hope. You can try or not try. You can keep going or give up.

So the other day when I was thinking about how I deal wih being a cancer survivor and I thought ‘well I have to deal with it, I haven’t been given a choice or been asked if I wanted it or not’, I immediately thought – as an involuntary reflex – ‘you always have a choice’.

So I thought about it, and I’m right. I don’t have to do the things that I do. I don’t have to go to screenings or checkups, and I never had to go along with genetic testing. I don’t have to do anything at all, ever. I could just bury my head in the sand, but I don’t. I’m making the right decisions. I’m doing as well as I can in the circumstances. I have a choice and I am making the right choices. And if you’re going to checkups, and monitoring yourself, and keeping on top of all your health-related stuff. you’re making the right choices, too. And I think that’s a little bit affirming. A little something to hold onto.

Positive Thoughts!

February 1, 2017 / writersamr / 0 Comments

Next Friday I’m going for my checkups and I’m trying to be positive about it, so this is a post to say that it’s good to have checkups. They’re just checkups – it doesn’t mean anything bad is going to happen, it just means if anythng bad did happen it would be dealt with quickly, so it would be less of a problem.

And I have the day off work, and my boyfriend is taking me to the hospital and has the day off too, so we can spend the afternoon on the couch together, and we’re going out for an early Valentine’s day, shopping and dinner on the Sunday, which will be good, so it might just turn out to be a nice long weekend.

I’m sick of feeling messed up by this stuff. Positive vibes, positive vibes!

Disappointing packages

January 25, 2017 / writersamr / 0 Comments

It’s been a stressful week.

I just realised it’s only Wednesday.

Well, shit.

Well, no, it’s actually okay now. Basically I went to see my consultant in October and he said he would send me for a gastroscopy in January, but not bother with a sigmoidoscopy this time around. At the end of December I got an appointment through for this coming Friday.

I’m scared

January 18, 2017 / writersamr / 0 Comments

Got my annual gastroscopy coming up next Friday. Been thinking about it for over a week already and there’s still eight days to go. I think it might make it easier if I admit to being scared and make it really obvious. What’s the point in hiding it? It’s normal to be anxious. So.

I’m scared. I’m worried about what the outcome will be. I am scared and that’s normal.

If you have a scan or a checkup coming up soon too and you’re scared, it’s okay. You’re allowed to be scared. Give yourself a break. Let yourself be. The waiting is the worst bit. (Actually, the gastroscopy itself is rubbish too so it’s all crap really, but whatever.) The waiting is hard. But do what you can. It is what it is.

Look at me, talking like I have all the answers. I don’t know any better than anyone else. i’m just trying to get by, and thinking that maybe admitting fear exists makes it a tiny bit smaller somehow. It’s okay to be scared, and it’s okay to be honest about it. There is no shame here, only truth. I’m scared and that’s normal. I’m scared, and that’s normal.

Concentrate on the things you do know

January 14, 2017 / writersamr / 0 Comments

I was trying to figure out if I have anxiety or ptsd or what, because all this health stuff makes me feel crazy. And I don’t think I have ptsd because I don’t think the medical definition of ptsd applies to me. Plus, it feels like things aren’t over, but they’re still happening – because of having to go for checkups, etc. So maybe it’s not ptsd because I’m not just struggling with the past but worrying about the future.

I would rather have grief

January 13, 2017 / writersamr / 0 Comments

I would rather have grief
than emptiness,
is it so wrong to feel
envious
of people who have loved
and lost?

I would take a memory
over a story, any day

I would take a funeral
I could actually remember

I would take anything that’s
more than a teddy
and a grave
and an empty head.

Writing work

January 11, 2017 / writersamr / 0 Comments

In reference to my last blog post, it did pass. Sometimes it helps just to stop thinking and let yourself be distracted. So, all is well. In this moment at least, and isn’t that the most important moment?

Today I’ve been at my job, doing a little uni work, and planning my trip to Stockholm this summer. I’ve also put a newsletter subscription form on my site so people can sign up for my latest nonsense, if that’s the kind of thing you like to subject yourself to!

Plus, today I wrote a limerick, which is slightly out of character for me! I’ve put it on my Patreon page, so that makes it even more exclusive. I’m sure my hundreds of patrons (ha) will really enjoy it! If you have a burning desire to read my limerick and other stuff I only post on my Patreon page, $1 per month is a pretty good deal for reading all my gibberish. Join me there!