One day I might just be another sad story. And who knows how soon that will be? So right now spending even a second doing something I don’t want to do seems unthinkable.
Tonight it occurred to me that feeling scared about the future after having cancer once and being diagnosed with Lynch syndrome is normal. And I shouldn’t have to pretend that I’m not scared. When you have LS you inherit a faulty gene from one of your parents. Both my parents have it, and I inherited both their bad genes. Does this make me more likely to be a young, sad story? It will pass, but… right now, I’m fucking scared.
And I know in the morning my partner and I will both leave the house and go to do things we’re not super excited about doing. And I feel like I can hardly stand it.
I’m just having a moment – one of a lifetime of moments to come. It’s time to go to bed and sleep, and remember that this will pass. I’ll feel normal and alright again soon. I don’t know when. It’s so hard trying to act normal with other people every day.
This will pass. This will pass. This will pass.