Thought I’d write a quick post explaining the last poem I put up. I tweeted a couple of things but it turns out 140 characters isn’t quite long enough for what I wanted to say.
Author: writersamr
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anarchy
will writing my feelings cement them in the present?
am I an architect of my own bad feeling
or is it just anarchy, anarchy in my body and my
mind? I am so scared of my own body and what
it will do next and there is no elegant way to say
that; the best way to say it is bluntly, but at the
same time sharply, because that’s how it feels.
I’m scared of my body but maybe not for a good
reason, so maybe I’m paranoid or a hypochondriac
and maybe I should be scared of that, too. My body
is a teenager, so close to me, and my responsibility,
but so out of my control and though this feeling will
come and go, fluctuating as my body changes, it
will never go away. Whether I’m messed up in my
body or just in my head, I will always be this way.
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New Story Published Online!
Hello! I’ve had a short story published in an online zine today. Well, it’s sort of a very short fiction thing based on real life but sort of fictional. It’s metaphorical, which I love, and based on my health experiences and feelings around that. You can find it in issue 12 of Degenerate Literature. Hope you like it, and if it resonates with anyone please let me know – it’s awesome to connect with people who have had similar feelings and experiences!
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Top 10 Cancer Blog of 2016!
I’m so pleased to say that this blog has been named one of the top ten cancer blogs of 2016!
The lovely people over at IHadCancer.com listed their ten top cancer blogs of last year, and out of hundreds of submissions, mine was one of the top ten!
So, I can now say I’m officially an award-winning blogger, right?! I’m even gonna get a badge to put on my blog and everything.
I mean, when I submitted my blog for consideration I didn’t even know it was for an award type thing, I just thought they were putting a list of resources together. And I thought my blog would be too poem-y and not quite as bloggy as others to merit consideration. So this is really cool.
And best of all, it’s really inspired me and motivated me to keep writing, and blogging, and posting my poetry. I feel appreciated and like what I do matters, and that is the best start to the new year I could have gotten. So a huge thank you to the guys and girls at IHC – it might sound silly but this really means a lot. You’ll all be hearing a lot more from me in 2017. This is my year.
I can see I’m in great company, and it’s really cool to be connecting to other cancer bloggers on Twitter, too. You can see the list of all the top ten blogs and special mentions on the IHadCancer.com website.
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yester-christmas
Christmas day evening:
kids sat on the floor in the middle
of the living room, surrounded by
presents, toys, wrapping paper,
tearing open the next big box and
waddling over, handing it to me
to release the contents. Sitting
on the couch unwinding plastic ties,
fighting with cardboard – Barbie or
a fire engine lying in my lap, waiting
to escape from plastic prisons.
Leftover turkey, salad, pigs in blankets,
pork pies, yule log. Coronation Street
Christmas special with the subtitles
on because everyone is being too
loud to hear it and there is no catch-up
or on demand TV. There is just shouting
and laughing and glasses clinking and
toys beeping and blaring, fairy lights, a
tree adorned with twenty-year-old baubles
and a wonky star, musty metallic streamers
criss-crossing the ceiling, the glow of
the electric fire, warm bread rolls in our
hands, and the outside world forgotten
even if just for one day. -
weight
why
is silence made so heavy?
something
so quiet should be
weightless
and
not a burden
frowned upon by the
masses.
there
is a constant
pressure
to
change.I
just can’t.
and I’m not
sorry.You could tell me being quiet isn’t a bad thing, but years and years and a whole childhood of being told otherwise means I’d never believe you.
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my cancer story
I wasn’t planning to do this tonight, but I have been asked today what my cancer story is, and not for the first time. So I’m basically doing now what I intended to do when I was first asked by someone on Tumblr a few months ago but never got around to – a brief summary of my cancer story.
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self-help scrapbook
So I’ve been thinking about getting counselling to help with fear of recurrence, self confidence and body confidence stuff, but there are a number of reasons why I’m apprehensive about getting counselling. So I thought I’d try to be proactive in giving myself some self-therapy. I haven’t found much on the internet about how to do this, but the above is a really quick list of a few things I’d like to put in a kind of self-affirmation scrapbook. Other things I thought of after I took the pic were poems I’ve written that I’m really happy with, poems I’ve had published that I’m proud of, and my favourite selfies. I’m not sure if I’m going about this the right way. Like, I could keep adding to the book and read the positive things in it, and use it to identify things I want to change and figure out how to change them as well. I don’t know, what do you think?
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skeleton in a nightcap
you, my body, you are alien to me
like a skeleton in a nightcapand we are two different people
both disparaging each other, my
disappearing self-esteem – I don’t
know where that went and I don’t
know where I’m going. But people
seem to like us, and I am finding
that really weird these days, and
I hate that I find that weird, and
it’s a problem, but not a bad
enough problem to bother anyone
else with. it will be bad and then
it will be good and there will be
no need for words anymoreand you, my body, my skeleton
in a nightcap, you will remain
unearthly to me, and I will
remain unearthly to myself.
