One of these days I need to get better at realising when spending time browsing the internet for blogs about cancer and Lynch Syndrome goes from reading interesting stories and finding people who empathise, to just fucking torturing myself.
Today is not that day.
Tomorrow probably won’t be, either.
I’m thinking about creating a separate Lynch Syndrome section in my blog to put this stuff, with maybe some useful information about what certain tests and screening is like, and my general thoughts and stuff. I dunno, maybe it’d be useful for some people.
I’m also thinking about doing a skydive for charity – specifically for Beating Bowel Cancer. But I’m hesitant for a couple of reasons. The first one is I’m not sure how much I really want to do a skydive. I’m very impulsive and once I get an idea I like in my head, I am absolutely determined to do it as soon as humanly possible. Like getting my tattoos, writing poetry, changing my hair – things must be completed immediately. I’m really impatient. The fact that I don’t feel that way about skydiving gives me pause.
The other thing that gives me pause is a post I read on Beth Gainer’s blog today. She talked about her style of survivorship and it made me think of my own – avoiding movies and books about cancer (mostly – the TV series The Big C is an exception because it’s awesome and Laura Linney is wonderful), avoiding listening to stories about cancer cases on the news, writing poetry as a means of catharsis, exercising as much gratitude as possible, doing as many new things I want to do as possible, and being kind to myself. These are all part of my style of survivorship. Doing something for a cancer charity is not part of avoiding upsetting subjects or being particularly kind to myself. That’s the reason that although I have joined my friends for a couple of Cancer Research UK Race For Life events in previous years, I wouldn’t do it again because I found it upsetting to fundraise, think about it, talk about it, and the general run-up to the event, not to mention the event itself. Oh, and I don’t enjoy running, but that’s beside the point. So I’m not sure the whole skydiving thing is a good idea, but a part of me would sort of like to. It’s something I’m wrestling with.
I’ve forgotten what the point of this post was to begin with. Just had to scroll up to remind myself, but I’m pleased that going off on a tangent about skydiving made me forget about my original activity of torturing myself through web surfing. Luckily it doesn’t happen too often. I’ll finish off with some things to be grateful for:
My current health (that I know of)
Time off work
Anyone who read my ramblings – thank you.