Whenever someone says they don’t have a choice about something, I always think, well there’s always a choice – no matter what the subject matter is. You can just do nothing. You can sit still, hole up, you can struggle or not struggle, whatever situation you are in. You can keep hoping or lose hope.…
Next Friday I’m going for my checkups and I’m trying to be positive about it, so this is a post to say that it’s good to have checkups. They’re just checkups – it doesn’t mean anything bad is going to happen, it just means if anythng bad did happen it would be dealt with quickly,…
It’s been a stressful week. I just realised it’s only Wednesday. Well, shit. Well, no, it’s actually okay now. Basically I went to see my consultant in October and he said he would send me for a gastroscopy in January, but not bother with a sigmoidoscopy this time around. At the end of December I…
Got my annual gastroscopy coming up next Friday. Been thinking about it for over a week already and there’s still eight days to go. I think it might make it easier if I admit to being scared and make it really obvious. What’s the point in hiding it? It’s normal to be anxious. So. I’m…
I was trying to figure out if I have anxiety or ptsd or what, because all this health stuff makes me feel crazy. And I don’t think I have ptsd because I don’t think the medical definition of ptsd applies to me. Plus, it feels like things aren’t over, but they’re still happening – because…
I would rather have grief than emptiness, is it so wrong to feel envious of people who have loved and lost? I would take a memory over a story, any day I would take a funeral I could actually remember I would take anything that’s more than a teddy and a grave and an empty…
In reference to my last blog post, it did pass. Sometimes it helps just to stop thinking and let yourself be distracted. So, all is well. In this moment at least, and isn’t that the most important moment? Today I’ve been at my job, doing a little uni work, and planning my trip to Stockholm…
One day I might just be another sad story. And who knows how soon that will be? So right now spending even a second doing something I don’t want to do seems unthinkable.
Thought I’d write a quick post explaining the last poem I put up. I tweeted a couple of things but it turns out 140 characters isn’t quite long enough for what I wanted to say.