[talking about the body i inhabit] “idk i just work here”
I relate to this more than anything I’ve ever seen on Tumblr probably
Page 20 of 45
find a corner
that doesn’t look
too grubby.
s l i d e
down the wall until
you are twice folded –
bottom on the floor, arms
around your knees
try to resist the urge
to rock back and forth
fail
let your head fall forward
close your eyes
shut it out
shut it all out
pull yourself inward
stretch the aching
small of your back
make yourself
small
smaller
smaller
pretend you have
disappeared
just for a few minutes
just give yourself
five minutes
here.
headphone wire
like IV wire
like attached to a drip
like blood transfusion
like PTSD
like being tethered
like being trapped
like not at work
like not 2016
like 2010
like 2010
like 2010
Saw this tweet today and it got me thinking:
“Grief is the price you pay for love.”
— INFP Thoughts (@INFP_Thoughts) 25 April 2017
Yeah, I guess grief is the price you pay for love but though I’m sure I loved my brother as much as a baby possibly could, I don’t remember it and it’s as if he was never here at all. So I’ve paid the price in terms of grief, sort of, in a way, but I don’t feel like I got the pay off of love.
(Context: my big brother died when I was one year old. He was sixteen. I’m 29 and I’m still trying to figure this stuff out. I need someone to tell me how to grieve.)
maybe I keep writing about you because
I am looking for that one sentence I could write
to make you come alive for me.
I realise this would be misguided.
I know I can’t make you come back.
It’s just that for me, it feels like
you were never really here.
I have four poems in this anthology, Dandelion In A Vase of Roses! Available in paperback and on Kindle.
I found someone who could probably empathise with the loss of my brother, who would know what it’s like to not remember a family member and not be able to grieve… and they are a fictional character! It’s Rodney from Only Fools and Horses, which my partner has been watching recently. I can definitely relate to this conversation, from S2E5: The Yellow Peril. Rodney and Del are sat by their mother’s grave. I bolded the important bit. If anyone else can relate, let me know. That would be sort of nice.
reasons why my body is awesome:
low blood pressure
very little trouble sleeping
haven’t vomited since January 2011
bones all intact
badass scars
cute dimple at old stoma site
super-efficient waste disposal system
tattoos
clear skin
soles of feet have a pleasing arch
mad hair that sometimes looks pretty good
ambiguously-coloured eyes
back curves in, butt sticks out
boobs
pretty good legs
GREAT hands
ticklish
baby face needs ID for buying alcohol
can smell onion rings cooking at twenty paces
Little old me reading a couple of my poems. Rare sighting! I’m running away and hiding now.
