will writing my feelings cement them in the present?

am I an architect of my own bad feeling

or is it just anarchy, anarchy in my body and my

mind? I am so scared of my own body and what

it will do next and there is no elegant way to say

that; the best way to say it is bluntly, but at the

same time sharply, because that’s how it feels.

I’m scared of my body but maybe not for a good

reason, so maybe I’m paranoid or a hypochondriac

and maybe I should be scared of that, too. My body

is a teenager, so close to me, and my responsibility,

but so out of my control and though this feeling will

come and go, fluctuating as my body changes, it

will never go away. Whether I’m messed up in my

body or just in my head, I will always be this way.