will writing my feelings cement them in the present?
am I an architect of my own bad feeling
or is it just anarchy, anarchy in my body and my
mind? I am so scared of my own body and what
it will do next and there is no elegant way to say
that; the best way to say it is bluntly, but at the
same time sharply, because that’s how it feels.
I’m scared of my body but maybe not for a good
reason, so maybe I’m paranoid or a hypochondriac
and maybe I should be scared of that, too. My body
is a teenager, so close to me, and my responsibility,
but so out of my control and though this feeling will
come and go, fluctuating as my body changes, it
will never go away. Whether I’m messed up in my
body or just in my head, I will always be this way.