Tag: fear

  • The Longshort of June

    June, d’you know
    when you will end
    can anyone tell me
    when it ends
    if it ends
    I have been searching
    for the tail of the thread
    but it disappears between
    my fingers
    the month so short
    already gone
    yet not
    never-ending
    but not
    where does it end

    in July
    what lies ahead
    what sinks beneath
    the surface of calm
    the surface of thirty
    degree heat
    of sweat
    of sweet words
    of meet again soon
    of I love yous
    of ways we amuse ourselves
    press the panic down
    press ourselves
    into each other
    grapple for something
    resembling reassurance
    resembling advice

    we must voice
    what lurks beneath
    the fear that penetrates our skin
    the worry we absorb
    anxiety we bathe our muscles in
    desperation that resides within
    something akin to over-feeling
    that overwhelm that sinks between

    our skin and bones
    and bones
    and bones

  • caged

    someone opened the cage door
    but I have nowhere to fly to.
    I fear my wings won’t take me
    far enough. what is the outside
    world like? which way is right?
    who would want me to fly to them
    anyway? I’m sure I’ve no idea. they
    might as well just shut me in. here I
    will collect dust while those
    around me take flight. I don’t
    know where to fly or if I’m even
    capable of flying, much less
    going on my own.

  • anarchy

    will writing my feelings cement them in the present?

    am I an architect of my own bad feeling

    or is it just anarchy, anarchy in my body and my

    mind? I am so scared of my own body and what

    it will do next and there is no elegant way to say

    that; the best way to say it is bluntly, but at the

    same time sharply, because that’s how it feels.

    I’m scared of my body but maybe not for a good

    reason, so maybe I’m paranoid or a hypochondriac

    and maybe I should be scared of that, too. My body

    is a teenager, so close to me, and my responsibility,

    but so out of my control and though this feeling will

    come and go, fluctuating as my body changes, it

    will never go away. Whether I’m messed up in my

    body or just in my head, I will always be this way.