Throwing on Disenchanted by My Chemical Romance and getting all these words out here super quick just for the sake of keeping this thing and you people, whoever and however many you may be, updated.

I’m having a hysterectomy (and ovaries removed) on 12th September. We can’t collect and freeze eggs first because that process might cause the lining of the womb to grow. So I won’t be having any biological children. I’m sure I’ll deal with that later.

It was going to be that I would have the hysterectomy and another operation for the cancer in my duodenum all together. But that would be too much of a big operation, so we’re doing this one first and then the second one when I’ve recovered. That will be a whipple surgery because of where the problem is, and it’s a biggie.

I’ve had to hand over all my work to colleagues, which sucks more than you’d think. I haven’t been thinking about stuff too much recently but I’m starting to get anxious now. And sad. Just so sad that all this is happening. I just want to be fixed. And I know from experience that the anxiety from all of this is going to stay with me for years.

It’s been hard talking, and not talking, to people about this. My circle is very small. But I’ve been writing a lot of poetry. Keep trying to cry to let it out but it isn’t coming. I know that it will affect me worse later. I’m scared of surgery going wrong or being difficult to recover from. My back hurts probably from the worry.

Well, the song ended. That’s probably enough for now.