Sam Alexandra Rose

Author: writersamr

  • this is not getting over it

    I can’t let go because it isn’t over
    I can’t let go of something that is
    determined to stick around.
    and if it has formed part of my identity
    that is nothing to be ashamed of
    that is nothing to be concerned about
    that is nothing to be fixed or talked out of
    that is nothing I should try to change.

    this is cemented now
    this has driven me demented long
    enough now
    enough now with the moving on
    it moves with me
    enough now with staying strong or
    breaking down
    whatever I will be, I will be

    I will not let this go because
    this will not let go of me

    Title inspired by “This Is Getting Over You” by Alkaline Trio.

    My mantra today is “hey, at least I wrote something.”

  • Forgo

    my mouth forgoes feelings
    so I can feel everything else
    the roof of my mouth goes numb
    so I can envelop myself
    in self-medication
    a vacation
    for the senses,
    a sensible
    meditation,
    a softening
    of the edges.

  • Quick Medical Update

    Really quick update about how terrible things have been because tonight is the first time all week that I’ve felt a bit more like myself, and I don’t really want to dwell for too long on how terrible things have felt.

    (more…)

  • everything is loud

    When you message your friends back like “all good” but nothing this week has been very good, it just takes more energy to talk about it than it does to lie at this point

    and the drink isn’t blotting out the week nearly enough

    (more…)

  • Tumblr reblog

    agendergoldfish:

    [talking about the body i inhabit] “idk i just work here”

    I relate to this more than anything I’ve ever seen on Tumblr probably

  • five minutes

    find a corner
    that doesn’t look
    too grubby.
    s l i d e
    down the wall until
    you are twice folded –
    bottom on the floor, arms
    around your knees
    try to resist the urge
    to rock back and forth
    fail
    let your head fall forward
    close your eyes
    shut it out
    shut it all out
    pull yourself inward
    stretch the aching
    small of your back
    make yourself
    small
    smaller
    smaller
    pretend you have
    disappeared
    just for a few minutes
    just give yourself
    five minutes
    here.

  • Ghost train of thought

    headphone wire
    like IV wire
    like attached to a drip
    like blood transfusion
    like PTSD
    like being tethered
    like being trapped
    like not at work
    like not 2016
    like 2010
    like 2010
    like 2010

  • Tumblr reblog

    Saw this tweet today and it got me thinking:

    Yeah, I guess grief is the price you pay for love but though I’m sure I loved my brother as much as a baby possibly could, I don’t remember it and it’s as if he was never here at all. So I’ve paid the price in terms of grief, sort of, in a way, but I don’t feel like I got the pay off of love.

    (Context: my big brother died when I was one year old. He was sixteen. I’m 29 and I’m still trying to figure this stuff out. I need someone to tell me how to grieve.)

  • come alive

    maybe I keep writing about you because
    I am looking for that one sentence I could write
    to make you come alive for me. 

    I realise this would be misguided.
    I know I can’t make you come back.
    It’s just that for me, it feels like
    you were never really here.

  • New Poems Published!

    I have four poems in this anthology, Dandelion In A Vase of Roses! Available in paperback and on Kindle.