Sam Alexandra Rose

Writer, researcher, music lover, cancer survivor with CMMRD ("double" Lynch syndrome)

Page 32 of 45

Why I Love The Last Leg

It’s Friday night and I’m at home drinking whisky and watching my favourite TV show, The Last Leg. And I’m thinking about why I love it so much.

Last week I was lucky enough to have tickets to go and see the show being filmed live. My partner and I went along, and we had so much fun. I can’t wait until the next season opens up for applications so I can request tickets again – it’s the best thing I’ve done all summer, and considering I visited Sweden, the Canaries, and went on a hot air balloon ride, that makes The Last Leg pretty awesome.

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Headphones

When we were small
the days towered above us
and we couldn’t see past today
to worry about tomorrow.

Remember that, when the years were new?
Remember when time barely moved?

But now time is a knotted ball in my mind,
a tangled pair of headphones –
mangled experiences, shredded pictures,
a soundtrack distorted by groans.

Now all I can decipher is
those headphones still knotted in my head
a fear of the years flying too fast
and before too long, being dead.

Orange October

I hold a deep love for October:
the beginning, the constant.
the cosy warmth swaddling us
against the fast-approaching winter.
October is orange in the trees, orange
falling to the ground, orange
lighting up the sky.
Carving out contentment in pumpkins
for the very first time. Singing and
dancing and carefree, slippers and
dressing gowns, excitement entangled
in comfort and certitude.

Älgen På Kylskåpet

I left a piece of myself in Gothenburg,
and I couldn’t find it in the signs at Heathrow.
Nothing was written in beautiful Swedish,
just in the boring English I already know.

I tried to bring pieces of Gothenburg home –
a backpack full of Kex bars and Ballerina biscuits;
a blue and yellow t-shirt; socks declaring
‘I heart Sweden’; novelty fridge magnets.

But the soft toy moose on the refrigerator
reminds me that sometimes you’re not moving on
to bigger and better things – sometimes
you’re just plain old moving on.

Because there is nothing bigger and nothing better
than the places you adore,
your passions and the dreams you hold –
they’re what’s worth living for.

So one day I will visit again,
I’ll go back when I’m more fluent.
There’s still so much the city can teach me,
I’ll always be a willing student.

And that’s what I said to the wing of the plane
as I tried not to be sad about leaving,
watching the lush green city getting smaller,
trying so hard to clutch onto Sweden.

I got home from my trip to Gothenburg on Friday. I didn’t want to leave. Coming back to England felt so wrong, and far too early. But it was awesome, and if I were to dedicate this poem to anyone I would dedicate it to Pewdiepie, because his videos inspired me to learn Swedish, and to visit Sweden, and he gave me a whole new passion for learning a language and visiting a new country. I’m so grateful for that. <3 *brofist*

wishes

what if I never break?

what if I walk forever undamaged

                               never dying

                               never meeting an
end

what if

I never

               see

what kills me

               so greatly

that would be the

best thing

Puns

Just told a pun so bad my boyfriend kicked over the kitchen trash can in a fit of rage.

This is the closest gif I could find to symbolise it.

How do you tell new friends about your cancer history?

I’m asking because I really want to know. In a way, if it’s something that happened in the past, it kind of feels weird mentioning it to someone. But if a person is becoming a friend, you want them to know you better, right? I feel like if someone doesn’t at least know that I had cancer, then they don’t know enough about me, because now it’s a big part of me and my outlook on life.

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