don’t refer me to a surgeon

don’t refer me to a surgeon,
refer me to a good friend.
give me a letter urging me
to go to the pub immediately.

don’t refer me to the hospital,
refer me to jack daniels.
after all, he is a specialist
in these things.

don’t refer me to a doctor
refer me to my boyfriend
send me home to do nothing
just refer me back to bed.