Sam Alexandra Rose

Writer, researcher, music lover, cancer survivor with CMMRD ("double" Lynch syndrome)

Category: Cancer Survivorship (Page 11 of 11)

For World Cancer Day

February 4, 2015 / / 0 Comments

For World Cancer Day today, I pitch to you that we need more knowledge, not more awareness. Sure, a picture of a candle shared on Facebook raises awareness, but I think by now we’re all aware that cancer exists, many of us painfully so. Awareness has been covered. We need knowledge – knowledge for a cure, knowledge for research, knowledge of how to support each other when it happens, knowledge of the symptoms to look out for, of how to help ourselves, of monitoring our own bodies, and looking after our mental health during and after the event.

So instead of posting a picture of a candle on social media, how about we all post something that’s actually useful? Like a list of symptoms, or sources where people can get help and advice if they need it – or even donate to a charity. Awareness has been done already, and I feel like the whole thing is a bit like telling children there are cars in the road without telling them about the green cross code. Now is the time for knowledge, because knowledge can bring action. Post something helpful today.

If My Brain Were Hairy

January 28, 2015 / / 0 Comments

I tried waxing my legs today for the first time in years.
Then I remembered why I haven’t used wax strips in years.
It hurts. Sure, it doesn’t hurt for long, but it’s so very
unnecessary to put myself through it. I’ve been through
enough physical pain in the past and probably will in the
future, all of it relatively unavoidable. So why would I
cause myself more pain for no real reason? I threw the
wax strips away, but not before realising that although
I’m so good at avoiding causing myself physical harm,
I do very little to avoid hurting myself emotionally and
mentally. It’s like shaving my brain with wax strips
instead of a razor. If my brain were hairy.

A Swedish Cancerversary

January 27, 2015 / / 0 Comments

Poor me.
Pour me
another.

This summer will be five years since I had my sub total colectomy (bowel removal/intestine eviction). So, essentially that will be five years of being cancer-free. I’d quite like to do something to “celebrate” (as much as you can celebrate once having a life-threatening disease). I googled it to get some ideas and there are a lot of sites about it, apparently it’s called a cancerversary, but that sounds a bit weird. I looked up the exact date of my operation, and it was 27th July 2010. Funnily enough, two days ago me and my parents booked a trip to Gothenburg, Sweden (I’m learning Swedish and can’t wait to go). We’re going on our trip on the 27th. Weird, right?

So that’s kind of a celebration. Though I might not want to mention that to my parents, because, awks. Awkward to talk about what happened full stop, but awkward celebrating me being okay when my brother died of cancer. Is that survivor’s guilt?

I don’t know. Plus it’s occurred to me that any thoughts about celebrating six months in advance could be a bit previous. Like tempting fate. So. That makes me feel scared. So, mixed feelings. Happiness, relief, sorrow, guilt, fear, impatience.

December 9, 2014 / / 0 Comments

Professor Green

bokehblur:

A few weeks ago, my mother asked me why I like Professor Green. It’s a fair question, since I’m usually much more of a rock chick – I like Alkaline Trio, 30 Seconds to Mars, Slipknot, Muse, My Chemical Romance, Placebo, and countless others. So it was reasonable of her to ask why I like Professor…

Reblogging this post from myself from a year or two ago, because I saw Professor Green at O2 Academy in Birmingham on Saturday, after a long time waiting for his rescheduled tour dates, and it was brilliant. That feeling I get when I’m at a gig and just… all the feels, I dunno. It’s hard to put into words. But this still is the reason – I love Pro Green because he gets me so much. Like, the whole second verse of Lullaby is just… yep. I’m a writer and I can’t even say what I’m trying to say. He said something like that once, too. Bloody love him.

But the point of things I never have went from
Being a reason for the things that I do
To just being an excuse that I’d use
I’ve gotta take responsibility for the things I do
Find something other than negativity for my fuel
But I feed off it, even when I don’t seem bothered
I hide everything that’s going on inside
Guess it’s been a while since I’ve been honest, I need help
But I deny it and even lie to myself like I’m fine.

Write what you feel you need to write

October 25, 2014 / / 0 Comments

Sitting in hospital waiting for my CT scan today, I wondered to myself whether I write too much about one particular thing. Maybe I should write poetry about something else, because it will get boring writing about the same thing all the time and people will get bored of reading it.

But considering I don’t even know if anyone is reading anyway, there’s little point in pandering to an imaginary audience! And if I have to force myself to write about something that I’m not really feeling, it’s not going to be fun, it’s just going to be a chore. Writing is difficult enough sometimes without turning it into a chore. (It’s okay to admit it’s difficult to feel motivated to write sometimes, isn’t it? Yes.)

So scratch that. I think I have to just write what I feel like I need to write. Because writing isn’t just for enjoyment, for developing a craft or for entertaining other people – it’s for self-expression as well. I cant just forbid myself to write about something. So I think I’ll continue to write whatever I want to, until I’ve got everything out of my system and feel like writing about something else. There’s no point in compromising – first and foremost, we should write for ourselves.

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