Writer, researcher, music lover, cancer survivor with CMMRD ("double" Lynch syndrome)

Category: Cancer Survivorship (Page 10 of 11)

Why I Love The Last Leg

It’s Friday night and I’m at home drinking whisky and watching my favourite TV show, The Last Leg. And I’m thinking about why I love it so much.

Last week I was lucky enough to have tickets to go and see the show being filmed live. My partner and I went along, and we had so much fun. I can’t wait until the next season opens up for applications so I can request tickets again – it’s the best thing I’ve done all summer, and considering I visited Sweden, the Canaries, and went on a hot air balloon ride, that makes The Last Leg pretty awesome.

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How do you tell new friends about your cancer history?

I’m asking because I really want to know. In a way, if it’s something that happened in the past, it kind of feels weird mentioning it to someone. But if a person is becoming a friend, you want them to know you better, right? I feel like if someone doesn’t at least know that I had cancer, then they don’t know enough about me, because now it’s a big part of me and my outlook on life.

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Is It Okay To Let Cancer Define You?

Let me start by saying that cancer defines me. I don’t know if I “let” it define me or if I have chosen for it to define me. Either way, the outcome is the same. My Tumblr and some of my other online profiles are simply a string of self-definitions: Writer. Buddhist. Geek. Cancer survivor. And to anyone who says “don’t let it define you,” well it’s too late. It does.

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stop

Sometimes you need someone to yell at you to get off the internet and stop reading things that are psychologically/emotionally harmful to you. And sometimes you’re by yourself and you have to be that person who yells at you.

It’s difficult. But turn off the computer and go to bed.

A message from a friend

I received an amazing message today. It might not sound quite so amazing to other people, but it has made me feel so happy and empowered and excited. I was talking to my friend about all the things I want to do – travelling, different and unusual things, spontaneous things – and this was his reply:

“You beat fucking cancer there is fuck all on this planet you can’t do!“

I hadn’t even mentioned cancer to him but he straight away tapped into why I want to do all this stuff, without me even having to say anything. He got me, and he said exactly what I needed to hear. And now I feel so empowered, and strong, and happy and excited. That’s the reason he’s my bestie. I’ve written it down and taken a screenshot so I can look at it and remember, and I hope his words never lose their effect. Just amazing. And what’s more is he believes it, and he’s made me believe it too. What a great day.

Difficult writing

Gotta try to write a difficult thing tonight. I’ve been putting it off because it just hasn’t… come out. I had a difficult conversation with my manager about my medical history this week and I think that took it out of me and now my inspiration is shot to shit. Hoping Jack Daniels is gonna get it outta me tonight because I don’t wanna put it off anymore. Might help if i ever turn off Orange Is The New Black. Write drunk, edit drunk, submit drunk, stop being distracted. #AwesomeWritingAdvice

Self-love lists

I started writing something tonight (a potential guest blog post) then realised that I’m not in the right frame of mind at the moment to write it. I can’t deal with the subject right now. So I listened to myself, and I stopped. This is progress. Respecting my own feelings and doing the sensible thing for a change. I’ll pick up where I left off another day.

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Self-love (oh yeah)

I’ve decided that flouncing in and out of weird moods triggered by, well, cancer-related triggers, is not good enough. I know I’m struggling to be positive but when I get into a funk, I get so deep into it that it’s like I lose sight of how and where I came in and it’s like I’m not even sad for the original reasons anymore, I’m just unhappy without knowing why. I think there are a lot of things I get upset about – what I’ve been through in the past, fear that I might get cancer again, feeling upset that so much has changed and I don’t feel like my old self anymore – I think that’s the biggie a the moment. (Why I’m struggling so much now, five years on, I have no idea.)

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