Sam Alexandra Rose

Author: writersamr

  • Publication Announcement – Terror House Magazine

    I have two poems published in Terror House Magazine this month: “Twelve Months”, “Control” and “Exchange”. Read them here!

  • every time someone tells me

  • to be close

    these are not tales of wanting to be close
    but tales of need
    tales of nothing else will do
    tales of we are losing anyway
    I tail off when we try to make sense
    of what is happening
    when all we have is positivity all the while
    listening to others complaining about
    the mundane, the unimportant, taking
    suggestions from people who have
    no idea pretending to make notes
    in my invisible notebook – my no-book
    wearing an invisible grimace as they speak
    they don’t have to travel an hour to
    talk to an expert, they don’t have to prepare
    their bodies for impact, their brains for
    impact, their nerves to be wracked
    but we pretend that is okay
    all the while wanting – no, needing –
    to get away, to return home,
    wherever home may feel today –
    home is where I can tell these tales
    before we trail off and stare into space
    lost together but tied together
    in the want – no, the need –
    to be close.

  • Park Floor

  • Publication Announcement – The Pangolin Review

    I have a new poem out in the latest issue of The Pangolin Review, “Bleachers At Clearwater”. It’s something of a departure from my usual subject matter, and it was written on the coach on the way back from Clearwater, Florida, to Lake Buena Vista. It’s definitely more light-hearted than my usual writing, but I think we all need that every now and then. Enjoy!

    “Bleachers At Clearwater” in The Pangolin Review

  • Publication Announcement – Eunoia Review

    My latest poem has been published by Eunoia Review! It’s called Post-diagnosis and I’m very proud of it. You can read it here – enjoy!

  • Concave

    My heartbeat makes my loose-fitting
    t-shirt flutter rhythmically
    over my chest. I stop breathing
    so I can see the full effect,
    watch the fabric
    fall in, fall out.
    Braless breasts separated as if
    in argument, creating a cavity
    at my centre. Each tiny shudder
    makes me feel thinner
    than I am, more fragile
    than I am. Makes me wonder
    what I am.
    Every pound of my chest disturbs
    the white cotton, reveals my
    torso as empty. A trampoline
    for tiny ghosts, only the bounces
    to be seen. Only the tremors
    of the canvas to be found, the concave
    and the rebound.
    I am only little,
    I am only gentle,
    I am only nothing.
    But we keep going. One organ at a time,
    one anomaly at a time.
    Keep cutting it out until there is
    nothing left.
    What will be left of me,
    in the end?
    Only tiny ghosts jumping,
    only a tiny heart thumping wildly
    at nothing.
    Fall in, fall out.

  • The Longshort of June

    June, d’you know
    when you will end
    can anyone tell me
    when it ends
    if it ends
    I have been searching
    for the tail of the thread
    but it disappears between
    my fingers
    the month so short
    already gone
    yet not
    never-ending
    but not
    where does it end

    in July
    what lies ahead
    what sinks beneath
    the surface of calm
    the surface of thirty
    degree heat
    of sweat
    of sweet words
    of meet again soon
    of I love yous
    of ways we amuse ourselves
    press the panic down
    press ourselves
    into each other
    grapple for something
    resembling reassurance
    resembling advice

    we must voice
    what lurks beneath
    the fear that penetrates our skin
    the worry we absorb
    anxiety we bathe our muscles in
    desperation that resides within
    something akin to over-feeling
    that overwhelm that sinks between

    our skin and bones
    and bones
    and bones

  • Yet another update

    Stage 1a cancer of the lining of the womb, which is pretty much the best result I could have asked for at my appointment today.

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  • Tests, tests, and more tests

    Hello! This is a quick update on my health situation. (I realise I always say “quick update” and it ends up being several paragraphs long.)

    Since my last update three weeks ago I have had:

    – Capsule endoscopy
    – Hysteroscopy under general anaesthetic
    – MRI scan (today)
    – CT scan (today)

    (more…)