Hello friends! If you don’t have a J pouch/internal pouch and you’re of a sensitive disposition, you might not be so into this one. This is a no holds barred, frank post about toilets, farts, and poop. If you have a pouch, some of these might sound familiar, and if you don’t, well, you’re about to get some insight into what it’s like. Yay! And if you don’t know where you are or how you got here, an internal pouch is what you get if you have your colon removed, then have a bit of your small intestine turned into a makeshift large intestine so you don’t have to have a colostomy bag. Okay? Cool!

Having an internal pouch (or a J pouch) can be hard work
sometimes. While me and my pouch get on really well in general, having
different plumbing does change your life and make you feel different to other
people. It helps to have a sense of humour about it all! With that in mind, here are 13 funny/annoying/weird things about having an internal pouch, from my

1. Eating something spicy and regretting it a few hours later when it exits your body doing its impression of a fireball (and sometimes serving as a warning of what’s to come for your normally-plumbed dinner dates who have slower digestive systems)

2. Eating the same thing on a different day and being unable to understand how this time it has no negative effects whatsoever

3. Going somewhere new and immediately scoping out where the nearest toilet is

4. For those who sit down to pee: Going for a pee, then pooping instead and then not being able to remember whether you actually peed or not

5. Going for a pee, flushing, washing your hands, then realising you need to poop as well

6. Worrying that everyone in the next room can hear your noisy, windy pooping

7. In public loos, waiting for someone to flush the loo or use the hand dryer so you can do your business without feeling embarrassed

8. Going to the toilet by yourself instead of with your friends when they go

9. Feeling surprised and excited when you fart because it’s so rare (since you usually go to the toilet too often to need to fart anywhere else)

10. Feeling too afraid to fart away from the toilet in case of follow-through, but lying on your belly when you do because that helps somehow

11. Looking in the loo like “Oh, there’s all the food I didn’t digest properly today!”

12. Feeling super grateful to all the people you can literally talk shit with and know they won’t bat an eye

Got more to add to the list? Let me know in the comments!