Writer, researcher, music lover, cancer survivor with CMMRD ("double" Lynch syndrome)

Tag: writing (Page 3 of 7)

anarchy

will writing my feelings cement them in the present?

am I an architect of my own bad feeling

or is it just anarchy, anarchy in my body and my

mind? I am so scared of my own body and what

it will do next and there is no elegant way to say

that; the best way to say it is bluntly, but at the

same time sharply, because that’s how it feels.

I’m scared of my body but maybe not for a good

reason, so maybe I’m paranoid or a hypochondriac

and maybe I should be scared of that, too. My body

is a teenager, so close to me, and my responsibility,

but so out of my control and though this feeling will

come and go, fluctuating as my body changes, it

will never go away. Whether I’m messed up in my

body or just in my head, I will always be this way.

New Story Published Online!

Hello! I’ve had a short story published in an online zine today. Well, it’s sort of a very short fiction thing based on real life but sort of fictional. It’s metaphorical, which I love, and based on my health experiences and feelings around that. You can find it in issue 12 of Degenerate Literature. Hope you like it, and if it resonates with anyone please let me know – it’s awesome to connect with people who have had similar feelings and experiences!

Top 10 Cancer Blog of 2016!

I’m so pleased to say that this blog has been named one of the top ten cancer blogs of 2016!

The lovely people over at IHadCancer.com listed their ten top cancer blogs of last year, and out of hundreds of submissions, mine was one of the top ten!

So, I can now say I’m officially an award-winning blogger, right?! I’m even gonna get a badge to put on my blog and everything.

I mean, when I submitted my blog for consideration I didn’t even know it was for an award type thing, I just thought they were putting a list of resources together. And I thought my blog would be too poem-y and not quite as bloggy as others to merit consideration. So this is really cool.

And best of all, it’s really inspired me and motivated me to keep writing, and blogging, and posting my poetry. I feel appreciated and like what I do matters, and that is the best start to the new year I could have gotten. So a huge thank you to the guys and girls at IHC – it might sound silly but this really means a lot. You’ll all be hearing a lot more from me in 2017. This is my year.

I can see I’m in great company, and it’s really cool to be connecting to other cancer bloggers on Twitter, too. You can see the list of all the top ten blogs and special mentions on the IHadCancer.com website.

Christmas day evening:
kids sat on the floor in the middle
of the living room, surrounded by
presents, toys, wrapping paper,
tearing open the next big box and
waddling over, handing it to me
to release the contents. Sitting
on the couch unwinding plastic ties,
fighting with cardboard – Barbie or
a fire engine lying in my lap, waiting
to escape from plastic prisons.
Leftover turkey, salad, pigs in blankets,
pork pies, yule log. Coronation Street
Christmas special with the subtitles
on because everyone is being too
loud to hear it and there is no catch-up
or on demand TV. There is just shouting
and laughing and glasses clinking and
toys beeping and blaring, fairy lights, a
tree adorned with twenty-year-old baubles
and a wonky star, musty metallic streamers
criss-crossing the ceiling, the glow of
the electric fire, warm bread rolls in our
hands, and the outside world forgotten
even if just for one day.

weight

why
is silence made so heavy?
something
so quiet should be
               weightless
and
not a burden
               frowned upon by the
masses.
there
is a constant
                               pressure
to
change. 

I
just can’t.
                               and I’m not
sorry.

You could tell me being quiet isn’t a bad thing, but years and years and a whole childhood of being told otherwise means I’d never believe you.

Professor Green

Every time I listen to Professor Green’s music or watch one of his interviews, I feel so inspired to write something, to be brutally honest, to open up a blank Word document and spill my guts and share it with the world. Pro inspires me to write more than any author does, because he inspires me to be honest and open and to be myself, unapologetically. And for me that’s the most important part of writing, that I say something that’s important to me, and that writing it down makes me feel good, even empowered. He gives me self-confidence in that way. He makes me feel like if I have fingers and a pen or a keyboard, then I can do anything.

you don’t have the monopoly on grief

you don’t have the
monopoly on grief

and neither do I.

we’re just

kicking up copper dust

and wishing we were high

going through the motions

as if that’s good enough.

there’s a competition in my head

to find out who’s more tough

and I’m winning, I’m winning

I’m stronger by far,

but we’re rooting for each other,

at least, in my head

we are.

easy saturday

The stormy bank holiday when
plans fell through so it was
Scrabble and a fry up, lazy Saturday
afternoon with my legs outstretched
and your half of the sofa reclined, your
heartbeat reverberating through the
backs of my knees as you snored and I
watched easy tv

jack daniels

the cold glass on my wet bottom lip
my top lip enveloping – and then I tip
the scent stings my nostrils and
my teeth welcome it
head goes back
a slow swallow
and the roof
of my mouth
goes numb
the taste
is blunt
and then
nothing
matters
anymore.

maybe I am a mess
but I love these
nights.

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