Sam Alexandra Rose

Tag: self esteem

  • Stockholm Weather Report

    The weather in Stockholm is so changeable
    I can’t rely on anything here so
    I must change too
    I don’t even speak half the language.
    The city centre rain waits until I reach
    my room before it pours out its
    promises
    It brightens as it dries, brightens
    after it has tried,
    brightens after it has made a difference.
    Meanwhile I sit conflicted;
    happy to have travelled but looking
    forward to home
    happy to share experiences but
    hungry for being alone with the
    work I long to do.

    I keep forgetting where we are not and
    remembering where we are.
    I hear words that suggest people see
    worth in spending time with me
    But I can’t see why they would.
    I don’t know what they get out of this.
    I don’t know what anyone gets out of me.
    I think I just forgot.
    Self-doubt is so unattractive
    but in my lifetime I must have changed
    from what I promised
    like the Stockholm weather forecast.
    Changed without noticing, changed from
    what I thought I was and now
    I don’t know what I am.

    One day soon I will try something that
    is just for me, and I will succeed,
    and from then on that is all I will
    ever need to do.
    And on that day I will be powerful and
    I will be found, never to be lost again.

  • self-help scrapbook

    So I’ve been thinking about getting counselling to help with fear of recurrence, self confidence and body confidence stuff, but there are a number of reasons why I’m apprehensive about getting counselling. So I thought I’d try to be proactive in giving myself some self-therapy. I haven’t found much on the internet about how to do this, but the above is a really quick list of a few things I’d like to put in a kind of self-affirmation scrapbook. Other things I thought of after I took the pic were poems I’ve written that I’m really happy with, poems I’ve had published that I’m proud of, and my favourite selfies. I’m not sure if I’m going about this the right way. Like, I could keep adding to the book and read the positive things in it, and use it to identify things I want to change and figure out how to change them as well. I don’t know, what do you think?

  • skeleton in a nightcap

    you, my body, you are alien to me
    like a skeleton in a nightcap

    and we are two different people
    both disparaging each other, my
    disappearing self-esteem – I don’t
    know where that went and I don’t
    know where I’m going. But people
    seem to like us, and I am finding
    that really weird these days, and
    I hate that I find that weird, and
    it’s a problem, but not a bad
    enough problem to bother anyone
    else with. it will be bad and then
    it will be good and there will be
    no need for words anymore

    and you, my body, my skeleton
    in a nightcap, you will remain
    unearthly to me, and I will
    remain unearthly to myself.