Writer, researcher, music lover, cancer survivor with CMMRD ("double" Lynch syndrome)

Tag: happy

Post-checkup Check-in – Diagnosis: Happy

Hello! Life is really nice right now. I’ve started back at work part-time and I’m enjoying it. The dress code changed so we can wear casual clothes. I’m looking forward to a couple of weekend trips away with my boyfriend. I’m thinking about doing a PhD. I was anxious last week because I had a phone call on Tuesday asking me to go in for my annual flexi sig on Friday and that was like, no time at all to get used to the idea. But I went and they said my internal pouch is healthy. There’s nothing like that kind of relief.

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I am walking by a dark building
What’s inside is bad news.
Why must I always go in?
Self-exploration ensues. 

What’s inside is bad news
But I can never just walk past.
Self-exploration ensues
But I don’t have all the answers. 

I can never just walk past.
Why must I always go in?
I don’t have all the answers.
I am walking by a dark building.

 Written on Tuesday 23rd December, 2014 at 23:01


I started off this poem asking why I always go inside the metaphorical dark building even though I know it’s awful inside, and saying I don’t know why I do this and that I don’t have all the answers to my questions about myself… and I ended the poem by answering myself – why must I always go in? because I don’t have all the answers, so I keep going back in until I find them. Holy crap, I’ve just accidentally figured out something about myself by writing a poem. I love that. I adore trying to psychoanalyse myself!

[This isn’t the best thing I’ve ever written, but I thought I’d have a go at writing a pantoum for a change, and I’m so happy with the result, not because it’s well-written, but because having some kind of revelation about myself through poetry is one of the best feelings ever!]

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