Last night I had a terrible dream
I can’t remember what happened
but it left a shadow of itself in my
mind, and I know, I just know
my body owes my brain an apology
for all the trouble it has caused
and are you sorry, body, are you
sorry yet?
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the wheelchair,
the cobbled street.
happy because –
happy.
No reasons
to be seen.
a stray boy
interacting with
nothing.
filthy hair,
head slumped low
but bobbing with
every guffaw.
Small town poverty,
invisible life.
a semi-stoned
shadow lurching
from side to
side in the
dimming
light.
“I write songs I can’t listen to.” – Professor Green
Me too. I write poems I can’t read.
I want to write poems I can’t read.
They would probably be my best poems.
Gonna wear a tight-fitting dress to a party tomorrow and not even worry about how weird my belly looks cuz I can’t help that there’s a flat bit where my bowel used to be that makes the rest of my belly stick out more so I’m just gonna be comfortable with my post-op / post-cancer body instead of feeling self-conscious, mmkay?
If enough people see your scars
do they get any lighter?
if more people know why
there is a cavity
where your bowel should be
does your stomach stick out
a little less?
Is there power in more pairs
of eyes?
I feel better for being known
a tiny bit better.
I feel stronger for standing
up, validated, vindicated,
now that I have ‘come out’
in a sense, as a person who
has been brave, who has
seen things
no pair of eyes should
have to see. Maybe now
I’ll feel a little more free
too, a little more of a
loose cannon, with no
need for explanation.
I should now already be
justified in anything
I say or do about this.
I only hope those new
pairs of eyes can see
that this is a
terrible, and terribly
important part
of me.
I had an article published on Quiet Revolution! It is:
An open letter to everyone who has ever made me feel like there is something wrong with me—unintentionally or otherwise.
Read it here:
http://www.quietrev.com/portraits/sam-rose/
Hope it is relatable – I’ve had some really nice comments on it already, which is awesome!
I’m not shy
I don’t have low confidence
I don’t prefer quiet environments
I am usually quite happy and cheerful
I don’t dislike you (probably)
I’m not bored (probably)
I’m not mysterious or thinking deep thoughts
I don’t need you to speak up for me or talk to other people for me
I don’t need you to help me to be louder or to invite me to talk
Calling me quiet like it’s a bad thing (or doing any of these) does make me want to hit you
*emphasis on the ASS
Add your own to this list in the comments!
What do brave cancer patients/survivors do that cancer patients/survivors who aren’t brave don’t do?
What do strong cancer patients/survivors do that cancer
patients/survivors who aren’t strong don’t do?
searching for someone
who gives a fuck and
isn’t afraid to say so:
sometimes they are
closer than you think,
even if they are further
away than others you
had previously pinned
your hopes on.
