Sam Alexandra Rose

Author: writersamr

  • All the Light Places

    I’m in a really good place right now in terms of not withdrawing to some dark recess of my brain to think about bad memories, or worry about what future health problems might occur. That is really weird for me at this time of year. Normally September/October would be the time when my blog would have an influx of dark poetry, and I haven’t written any poems in a few weeks. So, not great in that respect. I do think my lack of poetry is partly because cancer survivorship is where most of my inspiration has come from for the past couple of years now, and partly because I’ve just been busy with other things such as my degree and my literary magazines, so I haven’t dedicated time to writing poetry. It’s almost as if I have to be unhappy in order to be creative. But as much as I love writing, that would be too big of a sacrifice to make. I know there’s a saying about suffering for your art or whatever, but there has to be a balance.

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  • Editing Your Life With Jay Z

    Driving the 20-30 minutes home from my parents’ house tonight (which is always lovely, in the dark – very contemplative), I stumbled upon an interview with Jay Z from when he was in the Live Lounge on Radio 1. I must admit I wasn’t sure who it was at first, but he said some things that really resonated with me so I thought I’d hammer out a quick blog post about it before going to do a bit of my jigsaw puzzle (also quite relaxing and contemplative). I haven’t listened to much Jay Z in the past but halfway through the interview they played one of his songs with Linkin Park – Numb/Encore and I did have a bit of a sniffle at that because he dedicated it to Chester, it being the first time Jay Z performed it since Chester died. And having Linkin Park play unexpectedly does seem to have that effect on me since his passing. That, and I don’t think I have let out some of the things that have been happening family-wise lately, so it was good to get a bit of it out.

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  • Why you won’t find me at a Macmillan Coffee Morning this year

    Or rather, you might not find me at a Macmillan Coffee Morning.

    Typically, this is a difficult time of year for me. It’s coming up to my annual consultant appointment, which leads to my consultant (also known as “the life-saver”) sending me for some lovely tests to make sure I’m not about to keel over. Namely: a tumour marker blood test, an endoscopy, a flexible sigmoidoscopy, and until last year, a CT scan. As you can imagine, none of this is much fun – never mind being poked and prodded by strangers (lovely as those strangers may be), but scanxiety is pretty horrible. And around this time of year when it’s all looming ahead of me, I have a habit of going to a dark place. I just think about it all… a lot. It’s not just worrying about what could happen to me in the future (particularly the not-so-distant future), but also being reminded of what happened seven years ago and at check-ups in the years that have followed. My brain latches onto a bad thought and runs with it, and I let it, and I wallow, and it all takes over until my appointment has gone – or at least, until the next appointment:

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  • all I have to offer is questions

  • 12 things people with an internal pouch will relate to

    Hello friends! If you don’t have a J pouch/internal pouch and you’re of a sensitive disposition, you might not be so into this one. This is a no holds barred, frank post about toilets, farts, and poop. If you have a pouch, some of these might sound familiar, and if you don’t, well, you’re about to get some insight into what it’s like. Yay! And if you don’t know where you are or how you got here, an internal pouch is what you get if you have your colon removed, then have a bit of your small intestine turned into a makeshift large intestine so you don’t have to have a colostomy bag. Okay? Cool!

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  • Library Eggs

    I visit the local library for the first time in at least ten years. It is no longer my local library, but still my parents’, and still local enough. I go because first I took myself to brunch at a café down the road and
    had substandard poached eggs that offered me thin white egg juices on the first incision, and dark orange yolk on the second, amalgamating into mush on the plate. I had wanted to write in the café, but brunch then felt like less of a treat and more of a mission.

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  • How Photos Can Help You Declutter

    I had a bit of a clearout of my wardrobe today. I say a bit, because I never manage to throw very much away. But I have thrown out my favourite dress, which doesn’t quite fit right/look so good on anymore and probably never will again.

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  • scar stories

    my best friend is the one who
    not only let me talk about my scars
    and listened, but was
    bold enough to ask to see them,
    sweet enough to tell me they were badass,
    and trusting enough to show me his own.

  • I’m finished! …but also starting!

    Today I submitted my dissertation, which means my MA Creative Writing is now over! Well, apart from the tense wait for my results. But I finished the thing, submitted it a week before the due date, and refrained from typing AAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH into the comments box, so win? I really hope my dissertation is okay and that I get a good grade for it. If I pass the whole course with distinction I will be over the moon, but even just to have completed it and passed will be an awesome achievement. It’s been a lot of fun doing the course, having a purpose and challenging myself, but at the same time I’m way more keen on the creative writing side than the pedagogy, research, referencing, and so on. So I’m glad I did it, but also happy to have some more time to do other things.

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  • Is it ok to have honorary siblings?

    I wrote a whole post about honorary brothers and then deleted it so I’ll just let this hypothetical question stand on its own without the gumph and you can send your answers on a postcard with no context whatsoever: is it acceptable to name people your honorary siblings after your actual sibling has passed?