The weather in Stockholm is so changeable
I can’t rely on anything here so
I must change too
I don’t even speak half the language.
The city centre rain waits until I reach
my room before it pours out its
It brightens as it dries, brightens
after it has tried,
brightens after it has made a difference.
Meanwhile I sit conflicted;
happy to have travelled but looking
forward to home
happy to share experiences but
hungry for being alone with the
work I long to do.
I keep forgetting where we are not and
remembering where we are.
I hear words that suggest people see
worth in spending time with me
But I can’t see why they would.
I don’t know what they get out of this.
I don’t know what anyone gets out of me.
I think I just forgot.
Self-doubt is so unattractive
but in my lifetime I must have changed
from what I promised
like the Stockholm weather forecast.
Changed without noticing, changed from
what I thought I was and now
I don’t know what I am.
One day soon I will try something that
is just for me, and I will succeed,
and from then on that is all I will
ever need to do.
And on that day I will be powerful and
I will be found, never to be lost again.